I made a new friend the other day and it was a most unexpected experience. Where a nod of acknowledgement normally would have been enough, we stopped to talk. I don’t know why but something told me to stop. I listened. I should do this more often.
A talk about plants in this case led me to some serious reflection later that day. In fact, I had no idea how much I needed that reflection until I sat down to write this blog. My lovely new friend mentioned therapy and how plants can exude an atmosphere of well-being. Then we moved to pets and how in looking after them our mood can improve. This led to a discussion on mental health where we were both very frank. It is a necessary element to wellbeing. Some people still fear reactions and it only serves to make the situation worse. Instead admitting, discussing becomes a part of the help needed to keep anxiety, depression at bay.
Plants make me feel good although I am not the most successful of gardeners. The green gives off a good feeling. Nature is a wonder that way. In a previous post Romans like Aurelius I mention the Australian poet Judith Wright. In her last interview she discussed the importance of nature to people in hospitals. Research shows those exposed to nature during convalescence make a quicker recovery. The body needs the restful feeling but so does the mind. Nurturing nature can only strengthen the good vibes nature already gives out and the fact that the nurturing involves a routine, and some work means we have something to do.
We went backwards and forwards on the subject and it developed into strategies, triggers, and a lot more. Because of the discussion, the natural flow and ease, I walked away feeling I could breathe. I knew I had been in a bad place; I knew I had to pull myself out for myself. But I’d also been reminded I wasn’t alone and that there are things that help. It’s why I write, whether it is blogging, books or poetry. It’s not the answer – there is no quick, miraculous cure but writing gives me the chance to express ideas. It helps my brain take a rest.
I decided I’d share something I wrote when I was having one of the moments. Two years later I wrote another based on that first one. I wanted to reflect the fact that the road can get a little rocky again. Life is like that and rather than seeing this as a negative we can look at it as re-grouping. Once again, I chose to write it out of my system. What do you do?
Oops I messed up again
Today I fell and
turned back time.
Pushing, battling to
move on, I tired. And,
yearned for mediocrity.
The past pulls tightly
at the subconscious mind.
It has already failed to
move on because
it knows only mediocrity.
The penalty of femaleness,
to fear the independence of
aloneness.
My heart breaking,
my will forsaking,
my body shaking
with determination,
I try to stand up.
The floor is slippery.
A change of shoes may be in order.
I really don’t know why
And I won’t try to deny
I once again lost my way
and this time I know
it was deliberate.
I really messed up today.
I interrupted the flow
and the aftermath, proliferate.
Such a costly, deadly toll.
So, what possessed me to lose control?
I don’t know what to say.
I know this can’t be right.
The mistakes are escalating.
Maybe I need to pray
or remember how to fight
instead of so much procrastinating.
Oh, that evil slippery floor
that simply won’t allow my shoes
a smooth transition through the door.
Foolish me thought I’d paid my dues.
What is this self-doubt?
How does it come about?
Broken mirrors and illusions
lead me to into confusion.
I know who I am, I know who I’m not.
Yet daily life shows me, I forgot.
The past plays havoc in my mind
and the future becomes hard to find.
My heart breaking, my will forsaking,
my body shaking forbids me faking.
Last time I change my footwear.
I had hope.
But today, I messed up again
and changing shoes won’t help.
This time I need workers’ steel capped boots.
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Ciao, till next time
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