Looking at Past Posts
Suffering from anti-motivation, I found myself randomly checking old posts to remind myself of what I can do. Are you thinking there is no such word? Probably not but I like it anyway. Anti-motivation sounds sophisticated and right now I need to think I can do something weird and wonderful like inventing new words or admit I am confused as hell. (I am)
To continue, despite admitting to weaknesses, when I came across this particular post Dancing to tears. I was once again taken by the music I chose to accompany the sample from my book. It suits the mood so well – sexy yet sad because it is Nico’s battle with his emotions, and he does battle not just in the scene depicted below. Looking back, I am little proud of myself because I think I captured his confusion and reluctance to feel. Love isn’t always the wisest choice and yet his fascination won’t let him be. It is a battle, an unnecessary one.
Battlefields and Emotions
Emotions are a battlefield. Not always and certainly they are not supposed to be but in this current world climate battlefields rule and emotions are the key to starting the problems. Yet in real battle we have to push emotions down or lose control of the situation. Is this an oxymoron? Or is it irony? Maybe it’s just plain ridiculous? I don’t know the answer, but I do know emotions cloud our thinking, and ultimately cloud decision making and just plain old ordinary sense. The post reminded me to think clearer.
Yes I wrote the original post and now this one because having someone read my extract and buy my book would be awesome. However, Nico battling his emotions really got to me on rereading. My books are not perfect but I think his internal battle, fears or whatever drives him comes through with my words. And thus I was pulled away from my motivational slump, and not because I wrote it but because I was once again reminded of how harmful emotions can be if we let them get out of control. That is why I wrote as I did.
Emotions have consequences. I was angry with my character for risking something beautiful for…I am asking for an answer here because I don’t like the ones I come up with. Control, retribution, payback, power, or the best of the lot – fear. Nico is a made up character but those people out in the world are real. They make me lose heart. And that doesn’t do any good and hence here I am presenting an extract. Why? Read the last two lines in the next paragraph.
Admitting Struggles
At present I struggle with writing and life in general. I am in emotional overwhelmingsation. Another word with which I am playing. There is no hesitation in my admitting to this feeling because, well, look at the world around us. There are battlefields in so many places, and the cost is always human life. Not just in a war situation but in everyday living. Yet, you can’t avoid getting caught up in this and it hurts. But sometimes emotions need to be pulled right back to take in the cost on not the world around us but on us, the ordinary every day people trying so hard just to be. This is why writers write. Isn’t it? I created Nico to learn what is possible if we trust, if we takes chances, make sensible and thoughtful choices.
Having read some interesting things about soundtracks and how wonderful this can be for capturing the mood of the romantic novel back when I wrote the original post I decided to try again with both the track and the excerpt from Unexpected Obsession, Book 1 in my Unexpected Love Series. Sometimes we have to push sad, painful thoughts aside to survive in the current world and do it in a way that gets us out of the emotional battlefields of our minds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocgP4qVNuw
Warning: My songs are not necessarily modern and many of them are in Italian although this one is in Spanish. There is irony here as sometimes we don’t have an actual understanding of the words. The sentiment of the music and tone of voice does all the connecting for us, or it should if we allow it. Maybe we should listen harder and think less. This has some spice and some language but nevertheless I hope you enjoy both the extract and the video. I think Brad and Angelina do a brilliant job saying much with so little.
And, for a little location atmosphere I have also enclosed a link Go to my pintrest story board which strangely enough is under the heading Unexpected Obsession. I wonder why?
An Extract from Unexpected Obsession, Book1 Unexpected Love
(Nico, at the hospital, looking back on the previous evening)
The lights had dimmed, the floor cleared to reveal a figure bathed in a soft, palest of pink light. Nico had watched her hands make their way sensuously up her hips, skim past her breasts and into her hair lifting it and letting it fall. He had never seen it down quite this way. It looked like black silk. Then Lorenzo was there, sliding closely behind her and they were swaying, bodies close, Lorenzo’s hand moving to her waist, bending her into his space, and bringing her so close, they looked like one figure under the spotlight.
Nico had heard murmuring at the table as they recognised Lia. He couldn’t take his eyes off her enough to care. Her movements were perfection. She glided slick and sensual. The looks she was giving Lorenzo as he lifted her leg and then wrapped it around his hip were hypnotic, mesmerising. He had felt his groin tighten in response and was glad he sitting down. Every movement had echoed a couple making love in perfect unison, skin on skin. Her legs were glorious, as was her ability to control the movements as she lifted, sharply slid, and shaped herself around Lorenzo. Nico, caught up in reliving that moment forgot he was sitting in a different chair in a place far removed from…he paused his thoughts, smiled grimly, and continued rhythmically and painfully tapping his right foot whilst his right hand pounded against his thigh.
He shifted in his chair uneasily and steeled his face which was easier to control than his thoughts. His thoughts revolved around her and his hands on her, not Lorenzo’s but his. It manifested itself in an unexpected erection tenting his trousers, causing an unbearable ache he could feel all the way to his dry mouth. He swore his cock had never swollen to this size so quickly. The discomfort was agitating, like his dick had woken up after a long sleep and was now actually in battle with the zipper that held it down. That same zipper was preventing it from what it wanted, and that was the woman on the dance floor. He slid his hand under the table and rubbed harshly against the fabric with the heel of his palm in an effort to gain some semblance of control.
Rock hard, oozing and aching, he wondered if a penis could snap in two.
“Nico. Nico?” Marco’s voice intruded, bringing his thoughts back to the table. Nico focused on maintaining a bland expression. “Did you know she could do that?” Marco asked, his voice annoying, caught up in the show like everyone else at the table.
Nico shook his head, words impossible because the ache in his body overrode everything, and then Lorenzo had pushed Lia to the floor in front of him, putting her eye level with his crotch. Nico’s cock went crazy, pulsing and throbbing against his pants until he was forced into grinding his teeth together to not cry out. In his imagination he saw himself spilling into a mouth glued to his length, a mouth prepared to swallow every drop he had. The visual nearly had him surrender to the moment. Nearly. Losing control in public. Never.
With controlled precision he swivelled his head to watch Lia walking back to the table and let his rage take over. In that blinding moment she became Marissa, bare-arsed and locked in his father’s embrace. The memory of that day deflated him, despite the fact Lia’s skin glowed, misted and caressed by the moonlight in the outdoor venue. He ignored her, ignored Marco, and ignored Francesca being snide in his ear, and he ignored the arrogant and satisfied look from Lorenzo. He also ignored Lia’s little jibe. He deserved it. What he couldn’t ignore was how much he wanted her. He needed to calm down.
Francesca smirked as he dragged her beside him. She’d reminded him of a cat anticipating cream. Well, he’d give her that. They went to the usual place. Her mouth only improved when he thought about another face, another mouth. She squeezed him hard the way he liked it. It did not do a thing for his state of mind.
Hope you are all well, wherever you are and please
And come back again next blog,
Barb
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Thanks for describing some of the frustrations we all feel at times. I have also derived inspiration now and then by linking my stories to favorite songs.
It’s good to address your emotions and reflect. I am off to listen to the music you selected.
I hope you like it. It is very dramatic and how I wish I could dance like that. Thanks for stopping by.
It’s always nice to hear that everyone has challenges they are working through. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.
No , thank you. It is nice to know people out there care about things and sharing gives us reassurance that we all have our moments.